Welcome back to the story of my life, told one blog post at a time. I am writing a story for each year of my life. I started with my birth and am working my way forward.
It is getting difficult
It is becoming increasingly more interesting, but also difficult to write down my stories. The more detailed my memories become the more uncomfortable they become as well. I am surprised how early I seem to have had feelings of shame and guilt and how they still live somewhere in me. I am not quite sure how to deal with those yet so I decided to focus on the ones I really like and think are fun. The difficult ones maybe I will leave to a different medium. Maybe songwriting? But back to our regularly scheduled programme …
I am 3 years old and I have proof!
Not only my memories have become more detailed and vivid, so has film photography!
I have this picture of me and my brother on his first day of school!
You can see that round, cheeky smile I was telling you about last week. I love this picture because we both look so cute and happy. And when I ever imagine my inner child that is the person I see.
It had a bit of lawn and strawberries were growing among the flowers
We are still living in the countryside at that time. We were living in a house that had two stories and I believe 3 separate apartments. We rented part of the first floor. From the outside, it was a warm sunflower yellow with a garden attached. It had a bit of lawn and strawberries were growing among the flowers. I would always pick them as soon as they were ripe. I remember running outside and my mother leaning out of the window to give me a little metal bowl to put the strawberries in. I guess she was planning on me bringing them back inside and washing them off. But I would just put the strawberries in the bowl for a second and then eat them immediately with my feet still firmly planted in the soft earth of the flower bed.
The more I looked the more I recognized what it was – a door to another world!
We were sharing a room with my brother. When you entered the room his bed would be on the opposite wall of the door and mine were just right to the side of the door. But because the room had a strange shape there was a wall just facing my bed as well. See the drawing below for a masterful hand drawn room plan.
When our partents put us to bed they would leave the door a bit open to be able to hear us in case of bad dreams or other emergencies. Of course, we would never fall asleep immediately.
A bit of light would shine inside the slightly open door and on to my wall and create a strip of light and it fascinated me. The more I looked the more I recognized what it was – a door to another world! It was so obvious! I just had to step through it and I would end up in the other universe which exists just parallel to ours.
So one time I mustered up all of my courage and went to the wall. I put my back as tightly as I could to the shadowy part of the wall and by making small side steps tried to glide into the iluminated strip. I tried a couple of times, but always just stayed in my room. Likely that green rabbit in my hand.
This is one of my favorite memories. I love the amount of conviction I had when my back was pressed against the cold wall and I thought if I just press a little more I will make it.
She knew strawberries taste the best just there in the garden
Today I feel like giving the power over my life to that little girl. I think she knew better what was good. She knew strawberries taste the best just there in the garden and her conviction was so strong. I think I ‘ll let her decide for a while.
When faced with a difficult decision this week, just think – what would have my 3-year-old self-have done? – and go do that!
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